


Say you Won't let go

by katerbees



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, Filk, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-22 19:36:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12489288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katerbees/pseuds/katerbees
Summary: Song from Rowan’s perspective about meeting Aelin. Falling in love with her, and their life post-TOG Intertwined with Lyrics to Say You Won’t Let Go. Hope y’all love it!!





	Say you Won't let go

**Author's Note:**

> –Say You Won’t Let Go– 
> 
> Songwriter credit: Neil Richard Ormandy / James Arthur / Steve Solomon

I met you in the dark, you lit me up  
You made me feel as though I was enough

Rowan had been a broken male when he met Aelin. His wife and unborn child had been murdered, and in that vacuum of despair, he had sworn the rest of his life away in the service of Maeve. He had given up on everything and resigned himself to be used as a tool for destruction. What was the point in hoping for anything better?  
But then, he had met Aelin. She had been as lost and broken as he had. Rowan was assigned to train her by Maeve. Maeve had known that he and Aelin were mates. No doubt she had received sick pleasure in dangling them in front of each other.  
Slowly, over time, they came to trust each other. Trust turned to friendship, friendship turned to love. 

 

We danced the night away, we drank too much  
I held your hair back when  
You were throwing up  
Then you smiled over your shoulder  
For a minute, I was stone-cold sober

The night of Aelin’s first burnout during Beltane, Rowan had been observing Aelin’s power to hold the flames steady. There was dancing, drinking, revelry, going on all around them. Rowan had found himself so attracted to Aelin that night that he barely noticed any of it. Until the strong woman he had been admiring and coaching became bewitched by the flames and the music. Her body and her power were no longer her own. He had lost her.  
Instructed by the healers, he continuously cooled her off, over and over again. He placed freezing cold rags on her head to try and bring her back from the Hell that she had created inside her own body. He gently asked her questions each time he dispensed new rags and then had gone to fetch a tonic.  
When Rowan returned he saw her back. More specifically, he had seen the scars on her back where her flesh had been torn from her young body. The shock and anger at seeing those healed wounds hit him like a physical blow. He had gaped. Rowan, who had killed hundreds of men, seen vicious wounds on the battlefield, found himself speechless. 

I pulled you closer to my chest  
And you asked me to stay over  
I said, I already told ya  
I think that you should get some rest

Rowan had flown for hours after that. He was so angry at the nameless, faceless guards of Endovier. And at Maeve. And more than the rest, angry at himself for not being more approachable so she could have felt safe telling him. He had to do something. That woman deserved better in this world. And he could treat her better.  
He returned to Mistward, scooped her up, and took her into his own room. Into his own bed. No ulterior motives. He wanted her to feel safe. He wanted her to know that he cared about the terrible things that had been done to her and that she had almost died earlier that night. He needed her to know that she mattered to him.  
She stretched out her hand towards his; he was at the edge of the bed, showing that he was a gentlemale. She told him her entire story, finally stopping as she was nodding off. He held her hand the whole night.

I knew I loved you then  
But you'd never know  
'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go

Aelin had bargained for Rowan’s freedom. He could never have even hoped for a gift such as the one she had given him. He had never hoped for freedom. He had never hoped to love again. Yet here he was. He had fallen in love with Aelin. He swore a blood oath to her immediately for her protection. And because a primal part of him wanted to always be needed by her. Even if she didn’t feel the same as him; even if he could never be the kind of male a queen deserved, he could still be useful to her in other ways.  
And just like that, she was on a boat back to Adarlan. And she was not letting him go along. And it hurt so very badly. But he respected her and her wishes. He would repair Mistward and await word from her.

I know I needed you  
But I never showed  
But I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old  
Just say you won't let go  
Just say you won't let go

They were married in a small ceremony on a boat later that year in the middle of the War. Only Aedion and Lysandra and the ship’s captain had been present. Two days later Maeve had kidnapped Aelin, thrown her in an iron coffin, with chains and a mask to contain her power.  
Rowan had found her, his old cadre had risen up against Maeve. Aelin had died to fulfill the prophecy of the gods. Rowan gave up his immortality in exchange for Aelin to come back. It had been an easy choice. What would life be like without his Fireheart? It would be hell. 

I'll wake you up with some breakfast in bed  
I'll bring you coffee with a kiss on your head  
And I'll take the kids to school  
Wave them goodbye

 

Rowan and Aelin did not know if they would ever be blessed with children. They knew that due to both of them having fae heritage, the odds would not be in their favor. Additionally, the terms of Rowan’s bargain were nebulous, as deals with gods always are; while he and Aelin were no longer immortal, they also had no way of knowing if they would have short, normal, or longer lifespans.  
After five years of making love whenever they felt like it, they were delighted to find out that Aelin was with child. Rowan was excited yet so scared. When Aelin birthed their daughter, Nehemia, Rowan cried tears of joy. Aelin was exhausted but had never been so happy. She felt proud that after so many years of taking lives and destroying, she had created something so innocent and precious.  
Rowan scooped up the tiny, chubby cheeked babe, brought it up to his chest, and breathed in her scent. He and Aelin had created this perfect new life. Gods his life had changed so much in the past 7 years.  
7 years later Nehemia was a wonderful older sister to 3 year old Gavin. Rowan couldn’t believe how lucky he was. How he had now been blessed three times over by his wife and their children. He often thanked Mara for her protection and blessings, even though the gods had left when Erawan had been banished. He never thought he would have the opportunity to wake up to his children laughing. To his wife’s beautiful body draped over him in the morning. 

And I'll thank my lucky stars for that night  
When you looked over your shoulder  
For a minute, I forget that I'm older  
I wanna dance with you right now

Rowan and Aelin were at a ball celebrating the birth of a new princess in Eyllwe. He approached Aelin from behind, her scent filling his nostrils. He nuzzled the crown of her head, “I love you, Fireheart”  
Aelin reached back to bring Rowan’s arms around her torso.  
“I love you buzzard” she arched her neck to the side and lifted her head to receive a kiss. Rowan obliged.  
“May I have the next dance?” Rowan asked, pulling her close and kissing her delicate neck skin. “And the dance after that.” Another kiss. “And after that, and I think you get the idea.” He twirled her around to face him.  
Aelin tried to keep a straight face, tried to not let everyone see how much her mate had gotten her all worked up. At this rate they would need to excuse themselves to ‘freshen up.’ She pursed her lips together, and clicked her tongue. “Well, as you may know, as Queen, I don’t like to play favorites, but I’ll make an exception for you,” she winked at him, kissed him, and lead him out to the dance floor.

Oh, and you look as beautiful as ever  
And I swear that everyday you'll get better  
You make me feel this way somehow  
I'm so in love with you  
And I hope you know  
Darling your love is more than worth its weight in gold

Nehemia and Gavin were adults now. Nehemia had found love with a Prince from Briarcliff, while Gavin was studying healing and learning to control his water magic in Banjali. Rowan and Aelin were beginning to age. Aelin would pause by the mirror on occasion, in disbelief that she now had 4 grey hairs and some fine lines. Rowan thought she had never looked more beautiful. She now possessed the kind of beauty that comes with age, with living . Fine lines forged in loving and crying and laughter. Lines created by days in the sun with their children and friends. Grey hairs from the privilege of growing older. His mate didn’t always agree. “You’re biased! You’ve always had white hair so of course you don’t mind it!” Aelin shouted from the bathroom one night before bed. Rowan just chuckled. And when she came to bed that night, he worshiped her like he did when they were first together. He worshiped her from her toes all the way up to her grey hairs. 

We've come so far my dear  
Look how we've grown  
And I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old  
Just say you won't let go  
Just say you won't let go

There was no denying it. The King and Queen of Terrasen were approaching the end of their lives. Gavin would be a fair and just ruler. Nehemia was a consort in her own court and as such, the right to rule had passed on to her brother.  
Rowan had slowly begun to shrink the past few years. The frailty of aged bones and a lifetime of being a warrior catching up with him. He and Aelin would walk in the Orynth courtyard on days when they felt up to it. Gavin had secretly been installing more benches as his parents needed to rest more and more often.  
One Spring morning, they sat down on one of these new benches to take a rest.  
Rowan turned to Aelin, a clarity in his eyes that was no longer always present. “Aelin. Have I ever thanked you for saving my life?”  
Aelin took her husband’s hands into her papery skinned hands. She sat there for a moment trying to guess what he meant, trying to feel it with her soul, as they so often were able to communicate. She gleaned nothing. “You gave up your immortality for me and to save me from death.” She responded, her long grey hair blowing in the breeze.  
Rowan’s voice was quiet, “I wasn’t living until I met you Aelin. I was existing. I was skin. I was bones. But I was not alive. Thank you for giving me two wonderful children and for giving me a lifetime of love.” He squeezed her hand, and moved in to kiss her on her cheek.  
Tears slid down Aelin’s timeworn face. “Oh Rowan. You saved my life long before you saved me from Limbo. You saved me from that pit of self-pitying hell I was in back at Mistward. I say, we’re even.” She smiled, lifting up their joined hands and kissing Rowan’s.  
“To whatever end?” Rowan asked.  
“To whatever end” Aelin replied. More tears were building up in her eyes and she did not need to ask what he meant.

I wanna live with you  
Even when we're ghosts  
'Cause you were always there for me when I needed you most  
I'm gonna love you till  
My lungs give out

Aelin was alive. And yet she was not.  
The King of Terrasen, Rowan Whitethorn Galathynius, had passed away in his sleep the night before. The household woke to Aelin howling like an animal.  
“Rowan!!!! Ro-----wan!!!!” wailed over and over again. Aelin was in the bed with him, lying next to him, shaking his body gently. Even though she knew in her heart and soul he was going to die soon, even though she knew that he had been preparing for it, she still did not believe it. Her mate was dead. Her heart was breaking. It was broken. Her chest physically ached. She did not want to live without him again. She could not breathe, she did not want to breathe, she could not do th…….. 

I promise till death we part like in our vows  
So I wrote this song for you, now everybody knows  
'Cause now it's just you and me till we're grey and old  
Just say you won't let go  
Just say you won't let go  
Just say you won't let go  
Oh, just say you won't let go

And just like that, Aelin faded into the Afterworld. There was no pain. Not in her soul, not in her physical body. There was only warmth. And the smell of pine and snow.


End file.
